Ronald Brak

Because not everyone can be normal.

Friday, June 03, 2011

Boring Trivia: Episode 1 - The Mime Menace

I picked my flatmate up from hospital yesterday. He was in overnight and I can tell you I really appreciated having some time alone. It's not that I have anything against interacting with human beings, it's just that one day a week is enough for that sort of thing in my opinion. Doing it every day just doesn't seem hygienic to me. I found that living in Japan suited me much better than Australia, as I could buy everything I wanted, including panties, from vending machines. And when I did interact with humans, our conversations tended to have a soothing, robotic quality.

Anyway, I arrived at the hospital to pick up my flatmate, and the room was very nice. So nice that I'm sure Dr Libertarian would say it was giving people an incentive to have an apple corer like biopsy probes shoved into their livers. Now personally, if someone offered me a nice room for a night in return for being stabbed with an apple corer, I don't think I would take them up on it, but who am I to question the wisdom of Dr Libertarian?

As soon as I arrived my flatmate started talking to me. Although I'd just had 24 hours to myself, I'm afraid that in less than a minute my conversation tank was full. I've explained to my flatmate that talking is mostly an adversive experience for me, but that doesn't seem to have any effect. I've tried to set a good example by miming a great deal of my communication, but that just makes her threaten me with apple corers and a variety of other objects, both sharp and blunt.

Anyway, I took him home where more conversation occurred. In general, I find talking to myself to be rather boring, even though I have an advantage over most people in that I don't actually know what I am going to say. Despite this, I do tend to find what I say marginally more interesting than what other people usually say. Unfortunately, my flatmate seems to feel exactly the same way about what she says, and so doesn't stop very often to let me say something or pay much attention to when I do say something. A great deal of human misery seems to result from this imbalance. Obviously there is a great untapped market out their for a drug that would make what someone else says sound more interesting than what the drug taker themselves says. The only drawback might be the violence that results from people trying to force others to take it.

Now you may have noticed that I described my flatmate as being both a he and a she. This is because sometimes people go into hospital one sex and they come out another. As a result, I have logically concluded that when a person is inside a hospital their sex must be indeterminate and I have reflected that in my writing.

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Trivial Pursuit

I have noticed that a lot people write about their day to day lives on the internet. I don't know why. Surely if people were interested in day to day lives they could simply pay more attention to their own lives which are more likely to be more relevant to them than the life of someone else on the internet? But people still insist on expending vast quantities of ones and zeros detailing the boring trivia of their day to day lives on the internet. As a provisional hypothesis, I have decided they do this because it is enjoyable. Since I am such a thrill seeker I have decided to try this myself and see if it results in pulses of pleasure coursing through my limbic system. (The fact that I am short on heroin this week has nothing to do with my decision to seek out alternative sources of pleasure pulses.) I will warn you though, it likely to be extremely boring. It's hard enough for me to be interesting when I make stuff up, let alone when I'm telling you the boring details of my day to day routine where entire whole weeks can go by without my actions resulting in a single fatality. Still, I'll give it a go. I mean, it's not as if anyone reads this blog anyway, except for you of course, so very few fatalities via boredom should result.

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