Movie Review - Rise of the Planet of the Apes
I recently watched the movie Rise of the Planet of the Apes and I now realise that was probably a mistake so soon after dealing with the shock of seeing a censored physiology textbook. All through the movie I couldn't stop not seeing ape genitalia. It was quite conspicuous by its absence. And for that matter, there were no ape bums. These were extremely conspicuous by their absence because sometimes ape bums can be quite hard to miss. Can you imagine trying to live life without a bum? No wonder the apes in the movie were annoyed. Everything they ate would have to come out the way it went it. Just thinking about this leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
It also explains why people were able to get away treating apes so badly. In our world there are entire organisations looking out for the welfare of apes in captivity. But in a world where everyone would think of them as the poop mouth creatures, well, they might not be so fortunate.
And the laws of physics don't work the way they do in our world. Grown chimps don't do the tree swinging and branch leaping you see in this movie. The reason is gravity. It tends to kill a 60 kilogram chimpanzee almost as well as it kills a 60 kilogram human. There was a scene of chimpanzees leaping down from several stories. They were hitting the ground running instead of the more realistic hitting the ground crunch, snap, and splat. Trust me, when you have a colon as big as the average ape's you don't want to be jumping down ten metres.
People did not seem to know how to interact with or behave around chimpanzees. This was very jarring as a lot the chimps had a vested interest in pulling human arms out of their sockets. People didn't know how to handle viruses either. The occupational health and safety in this movie was about on par with Star Wars.
There is a very good CGI fantasy cartoon about apes escaping from captivity inside this movie, but unfortunately there are humans butting in, trying to convince you that event are taking place in the real world with gabble about gene therapy that can be passed on through generations but which also requires regular injections which resistance can be developed to. Really, it should be one or the other, not both. If they can't be bothered to get things like that straight they may as well have the apes gain greater intelligence by being bitten by a radioactive brain. Sure, a radioactive brain biting apes may seem a bit hard to swallow, but it would have the advantage of making the rest of the movie a whole lot more believable.