Ronald Brak

Because not everyone can be normal.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Morgan Spurlock Discovers the Magical Olive Trees of Copious Oil!

Once again, to satisfy my urge to walk through airport security while carrying a book with a picture of an internationally wanted criminal mastermind on the back cover, I picked up Morgan Spurlock's, "Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden?" again and discovered the route cause of all Middle-Eastern conflict. They are fighting over the magical Palestinian olive trees. How do I know that these Palestinian olive trees are magical? Well, on page 142 Ahmed explains to Morgan Spurlock that six or seven trees should yield enough olives to make about make 20 kiloliters of olive oil. And as everyone knows, a kilogram of olives contains under a fifth of a litre of oil, so each olive tree is producing something like 15 tons of olives. This is truly magical. And, as everyone also knows, since olive trees are typically grown at a density of about one per 34 square metres, this means that these magical olive trees produce about 90 litres of oil per square metre. That's better than a Saudi Arabian oil field. No wonder people are fighting over the land.

Or is it possible that there was some sort of mistake in translation and Ahmed actually said 20 kilograms of oil and not 20 kilolitres? I suppose such a mistake could have happened, but what are the chances that Morgan or his editor wouldn't have picked up on it? Not very high I’d wager. No, it seems much more likely that Morgan Spurlock has discovered magical olive trees of copious oil in the middle-east and I’m sure the rest of his book describes a Harry Potteresque adventure where the trees play an integral roll in the plot. I shall eagerly read on to see if Osama Bin Laden turns out to be an irredeemably evil wizard, or if it’s all some big misunderstanding and everyone has scones and tea together at the end.


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