Ronald Brak

Because not everyone can be normal.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Time to Put My Nose to the Grindstone and Then Stare in Horror as the Red Smear Spins Round and Round

University starts on Monday, so I popped down there and borrowed a textbook from the Medical Library. It was the first time I had sunk down and plunged the medical end of things. I guess they keep the medicalists separate from everybody else to get them used to everything being white and smelling like disinfectant. And to protect everyone else. Trust me, you don't want to get into a fight with a nursing student. They know your every physiological weakness and how to exploit them. I've had nurses exploit my weakness on more than one occasion.

So I quickly glanced at the textbook I borrowed, and yeah, I passed. Well, technically I haven't passed yet, as I have to do a few exams and things first, but the material is covered at such a basic level I could probably pass with one frontal lobe nailed behind my brain stem. I really don't understand how a literate person could live 17 or 18 years and not already know physiology at this level. I mean it is human physiology. You'd think they'd be into that sort of thing, wouldn't you?

It's certainly not like back in the old days when the final exam in first year anatomy involved dissecting a human body in an hour. It would take place with two students at a time in the medical theatre with the Professors in the observation gallery looking down and betting on who would pass. The really tricky part for the two students was that while they were provided with all the scalpels and dissection tools they might need, they weren't actually provided with a dead body. Yeah, even back then the Australian Medical Association really took keeping the number of qualified doctors down seriously.

Interestingly, the Professors wouldn't make bets in pounds or dollars, but for some reason only Quatloos.

Anyway, as I mentioned, I only had a quick look at the textbook, but I knew more detailed physiology than this when I was a kid just from trying to research how the movement of a person's right hand could cause them to go blind. And I'm not referring to obvious causes such as stabbing oneself in the eye with a fork.

And the reason I am now studying physiology is not just so I can work out how to repair my right hand and so freely stab myself and other people in the eye with a fork. My goals are a little loftier than that. I'm learning to study physiology so I can learn how to repair everybody's right hand. Even the right hands that belong to people with left handed right hands. I want to repair everybody's hands. And then control them from a distance. So basically I want to be like the Catholic Church, except more precise.

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