Kitchen Utensils of the Gods

Like, has anyone here bought some crazy nanotech device without realiseing it? I bought a two dollar can opener from Cheap as Chips last week and the damn thing is frightening. It doesn't open cans, it shears through them. I swear man, you could make someone do a Darth Maul impersonation with this baby. And what's more they smell like the Soviet Union. What I have in my kitchen is obviously the can opener Ronny Reagan used to slice open the iron curtain. The mythical 22 billion dollar can opener of freedom. (I mean you honestly didn't think all the money going into the star wars stategic defense system was being spent on missile interceptors, did you?) And look what happened to them. George Bush sinks America in debt and they end up being sold in a discount shop in Great Southern City One for two dollars. Just typical of the financial irresponsibility I've come to expect from him.

Anyone got like a Dalek they want me to open up?