Stupid Meme!

Here is a stupid meme I contracted off P.Z Myers and which was apparently coughed onto him by someone else. It consists of typing your first name followed by the word needs into Google and then putting the whole lot in inverted commas and then hitting search to find out what you need. According to Google I need the following:

Ronald needs to market his new beverage product...Petro-Fuel - Well that's true. I can't imagine anyone drinking it unless there was some really severe marketing going on.

Ronald needs a home where he gets a lot of attention, not a family that will place him in day-care. - Hear that, Mum? And no locking Mister Fluffy in the cupboard with me and saying that counts as attention.

Ronald needs his gun back - Yes, I have to go shoot space elevator ribbon so I can estimate how many days it might take to be destroyed.

Ronald needs a Passport - I already have one. When I applied for it, for some reason the mayor of my town hand delivered it to me on the same day, wished me luck and said he hoped I would be leaving the country soon. Talk about service.

Ronald needs to figure out how to get children more gym time - Simple. Just replace video game controllers with gearboxes from excessively large cars from the 70's and they'll get a good workout.

Ronald needs to work harder - Ha!

Ronald needs corporeal agents as badly as any other Demon Prince - Yeah, like I need corporeal agents as badly as Beelzebub does. I mean the guy is totally made of compressed flies. He can't even get a thick shake without working through an agent.

Ronald needs a minimum of 9 x 9 ft. for these appearances. - I'm not that fat!

Ronald needs 'ome beautys 'n grog to get the party started - Not with my radiant charisma, I don't.

Ronald needs to earn his wings to get into heaven. - And here I was thinking that rewiring the house while standing in a bucket of water would do it.

Ronald needs someone to search for hotels and caterers - I have a healthy appetite, all right? But I'm not so greedy I need someone to supply me with a constant stream of caterers on tap.

Ronald needs a blog - What do you think this is? The UNICEF home page?

Ronald needs it so he won't have to wear Bozo hand-me-downs anymore - But how could I afford to look this flash otherwise? But then I might be able to make some friends who aren't colour blind.

Ronald needs some information from you - Just your bank account details so I can get my father's money out of Nigeria.

Ronald needs to start blogging - Hello? Open your eyes! I ain't training kittens to play ping-pong here.

Ronald needs to show off and do it all by himself. - That's why I knocked back Joss Wheldon when he said he wanted to help me with my blog.

Ronald needs to borrow 32000 - 3000 - 200 = $28800 - Yeah, right. Do think I would be wasting my time doing this if I needed money?

Ronald needs help with selling the patent to his invention, the Oops! Cloth - Maybe Ronald needs to rethink the potential market for a cloth, that when pressed in the hand, causes incontinence.

Ronald needs to be careful not to overlook the value of Nancy's heritage - I'm planning to sell her off to highest bidder at the soonest opportunity.

Ronald needs us to have faith - Oh definitely. Remember how good things were back in the middle ages when everyone had faith?

Ronald needs to give em the damn storyline - They can have my storyline when they pry it from my cold, stiff, cerebral cortex.

Ronald needs another hand - If I had one growing out of my lap there would be so many practical jokes I could play.

Ronald needs to sue Micky D's for making him obese - Yeah, but Micky D's family are suing me for cannibalism.

Ronald needs a pancho - Yes, that's right on my list, right after getting stung by a platypus while dirty dancing with a box jellyfish on top of a bull ants' nest.

Ronald needs prayer for protection - Not when evil things just bounce off my charisma, I don't.

Ronald needs to keep Sony out there for as long as possible. - Yeah, that'll make my Walkman feel sorry unravelling my tape, "1984: The Hot Ones."

Ronald needs no oath to bind it - A piece of string will do.

Ronald needs moderation here - Yeah, I'm a little too extreme. Like the time I demanded extreme moderation in government extremism.

Ronald Needs A Friend - No I don't. I have one in the cupboard.

Ronald needs a transplant - Is this about transplanting a hand to my lap?

Ronald needs you to get naked, and get in the trunk. - Why on earth would I need you to do that? Unless of course you are a very small veterinarian and I want you to treat a very large elephant's nasal polyps. In that case, some Vaseline may be in order.

Ronald needs to grow up before he can win Hermione over - Oh great! Now the whole internet knows about me and Hermione.

Ronald Needs Help To Battle For Britain - Bounce for Britain, yes. Battle for Britain, no thank you.

Ronald needs a new look. Greasy Burgers - You want me to look like greasy burgers?

Ronald needs to be the smartest bear so people can tell him apart from his gluttonous twin brother Oliver. - My brother isn't called Oliver. He's called Chinboy.

Ronald needs another attorney if there is any hope for him to survive - Is this about the friend I have in the cupboard?

Ronald needs my money - But there are children in the developing world who need it more.

All Ronald needs is a girl, who's a clown and likes to eat at McDonalds - My gods, you're right. This is what's been missing in my life! If I had my own personal clown, no one would ever laugh at me again! And I could pay her in burgers.

Ronald needs to be edited, I think - Anyone want to help edit me, now that I've alienated Joss Wheldon?

Ronald needs time - Hello, I'm on the internet! This isn't exactly the behaviour of someone who's pressed for time.

Ronald needs to address his addiction and PTSD and possibly anger management - Anger? I don't have any problems with anger and I'll topologically invert anyone who says I do! Now shut up and pass me the horse tranquillisers! I need them because I'm having flashbacks to the time a guy murdered Micky D in front of me using an axe held in his lap hand.