Downing Smack with Brad Delong.

There is an American, by the name of Brad Delong. He claims to have America's silliest dog. And these Americans, when they say they have America's silliest dog, what they are really claiming is that they have the world's silliest dog.

We will not stand for such insolence!

The Australian silly dog project shall triumph over all! Hund dummkopt uber alles!

But why, you may ask, shall we triumph? The answer is simple. Australian animals are intrinsically the silliest in the world. Our kangaroos haven't even worked out that first you move one leg and then you move the other leg and walk instead of jumping! Our hedgehogs lay eggs! Our ducks have fur and poison spurs! Our bears are midgets with double thumbs that eat gum leaves! We have fish with lungs and fish that climb trees! We have frogs that can estivate non-stop for seven years! Try estivating for a week non-stop and see how you feel. In Australia, every swan is black! Except the white ones!

These Americans have nothing on us! Nothing! Our cats eat vegemite and float around on surf mats in the pool! Our jumbucks fit in tucker bags! And our dogs, they are the silliest of all. And I'm not talking about Banjo Patterson, play fetch with a lit explosive charge sort of silly. I'm talking about deep down silliness that seeps into your dog like liquid into this chalk. The sort of silliness that traps your dog at the end of the street after you pretend to tie it to an invisible post. The sort of silliness that makes your dog think that it is a good idea to try to walk on grass clippings floating on top of a pond. Silliness that makes your dog think that bouncing up and down and barking in front of a brown snake is a good idea or that eating the chili pepper that someone spat out because it was too hot is a bright thing to do. That is the sort of silliness I am talking about. And with this silliness we shall triumph!

That is all.