An Affront to Gods
I must say, I am enjoying it, lording it over all my puppets. The members of my puppet government tremble at my approach. Provided of course, I stomp on the floor hard enough as I do so.
But there is something I forgot to mention. A week or two ago I wrote that one of my cars had been stolen, but it turned out it had actually been towed away by the local council. When I confronted them about this and asked them why my car had been towed they said it was because it was an affont to god. I asked them which god, and they said, "Take your pick."
So now I am engaged in theological study, attempting to find a god that approves of hot pink edsels with a purple metallic stripe and a rotting leg on the bonnet covered in chunky custard. If you're aware of any, let me know. (And if you worship one, let me know so I can stay away from you.)