Ronald Brak

Because not everyone can be normal.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

I Tried to Thread the Needle, But There Was Camel Gore in the Way.

The past two and a half weeks have really rubbed it in that my ability to think and concentrate is really crap and really nothing at all like back when I was four. In an effort to boost my mental functioning in order to grasp such subtleties as imaginary numbers and 2 + 2 I have altered my diet to turn me back into a mental giant like I was before I started school. Just how mentally gigantic was I? I managed to learn English just by hearing it spoken. Didn't put any effort into learning it at all.

The first step to massive mental enhancement has been to eat less. The idea being that this will boost my alertness by putting my body into survival mode where my senses become razor sharp and ready for the hunt. Unfortunately, this didn't work out too well for me during my morning lecture today, as instead of becoming more able to concentrate on the details of the human nervous system I instead because easily distracted by movement and spent a great deal of time keeping an eye out for mice to catch and eat.

While no mice made an appearance, there was a millipede in the lecture theatre. There are a lot of millipedes up at the uni. If they didn't contain cyanide I could have feasted like a king. Well, like a king that feasts on millipedes. I'm not sure that's the sort of king I should aspire to be like, but still, it would be nice to have the option.

While reducing my food intake didn't really help me this morning, I believe I am starting to experience some benefits now. For a short period of time this afternoon I felt that thing – you know, that feeling that isn't badness – Happiness! I felt happiness! I listened to a song and enjoyed it. I thought the song was bland pop back in the 80's but since I learnt Spanish from watching American movies I now I realise it is bland pop about snorting cocaine. (Rush,rush, got the yeyo indeed.) Then I read something funny and I actually laughed at it. Normally I just get a wry intellectual appreciation from humour. I don't actually laugh out loud. And then the happiness faded from the lofty heights of enjoying a song and laughing at something funny, but I still felt pretty good, as in I didn't feel bad.

Anyway, I'm hungry now and I know I actually need to eat something otherwise I'll end up feeling lousy. I hope eating won't blow this nascent happiness out of the water. (My body is three quarters water.) This middle road I'm trying to follow between eat all and eat nothing is tricky. I wonder if anyone's ever pulled it off?

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