Boring Dailly Trivia of my Life

8:52am

Woke up,
Got out of bed,
Didn’t drag a comb across my head...

I’ve decided that what my blog needs to increase its readership above one (hi mum!) is more boring day to day trivia. That’s what a lot of other blogs have. Really boring, mindless crap. So rather than my usual insightful, intellectual pronouncements I will tell you the details of my fascinating life.

So far this morning I have woken up, turned on the computer, urinated and thrown my underpants in the wash. (Yes, that’s right. Soon I’ll be able to have all the accidents I want.)

So, what to do now? Can’t seem to really focus at the moment. I shouldn’t be tired, I only just got up… Ah! I’ve got it! I must be hungry! I’ll have breakfast! Time to go see what’s in the fridge.

Well, that was pleasant. I had a small amount of maize, a brussel sprout, navy beans, army beans, a green bean and a vegetable that I have decided to call styrofoam. Although putatively healthy, it didn’t really hit the spot, which is surprising because I have an excessively large spot. Must remember to go food shopping today.

So, what to do today, what to do? Well, I could clean up the place a bit. Broadening my definition of both rubbish bin and filing cabinet to include the concept of floor does seem to have resulted in a small amount of disorganisation. But is it really fair on the rest of the world for me to waste my huge intellect performing such a menial task? I don’t really think so. And besides, think of all the carbon I’m sequestering by not taking out the rubbish.

Let’s see, I have some DVDs I can watch and some books I can read. I could actually like, you know, leave the house and do something. Spend some of the huge quantity of money I have on doing something fun. Hmmm… Pity I can’t think of anything. I mean, why bother? Basically, when people say they are having fun they are just going places and seeing things and doing things. Well I can go places in my own house and see and do things here as well. What’s the point in leaving? I mean, it’s not as if I’m going to meet anyone who is more interesting to talk to than myself, right?

Well, if I’m not going to clean up the place and I’m not going to read or watch DVDs I guess I’d better do some work. Yes work. No, it’s okay, don’t be alarmed, I’ve actually worked before. It’s a strange compulsion I have. I actually believe that my life will be better if I actually do something with it. It’s all rather odd I know, but there you have it. Well, let's get to work.

No, wait a minute! There could be monkey jokes on the internet!

No monkey jokes. Well that was a waste of 23 minutes. But I did meet a guy who denies that carbon dioxide is a greenhouse gas. I suggested he write a paper on it and get a noble prize for revolutionising physics, but he said it wasn’t worth the effort because it would just be suppressed by evil scientists who are using the lie that carbon dioxide absorbs infrared radiation in the 2.7, 4.3 and 15 micron bands to conquer the world. I asked him where the monkey jokes were, but he didn’t know. Well, I guess I better get to work then. Unless of course the monkey jokes are hiding among the gorilla jokes!

No, no they weren’t. Two more minutes wasted. Okay, to work now. Um, let’s see open file. Look at file. Oooh, symbols! It’s almost as if it’s some kind of language. Yes, yes… I know what this is. It’s English. Or rather, monkey English! Or it will be once I’m done improving it! No! No! Must resist temptation. These people want American English, not monkey English. Must resist temptation to OOOK EEEK! Must gain payment and professional recognition… So hard to resist the siren lure of monkey English…

Okay, I’m better now. What am I working on again? Oh yeah, medical stuff. What to do if your head comes off etc. Well I’ll get stuck into it.