Ronald Brak

Because not everyone can be normal.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Traveling in the USA! - Tips from the Brakster

As I am widely travelled and have visited America and several other imaginary countries, I have decided to offer the following advice to anyone who wishes to follow in my footsteps and travel to the United States:

1. Do not start conversations with Americans by offering to guess their weight.  If you must guess their weight, do not overestimate so as to make them feel well fed and prosperous.

2. Do not discuss religion with Americans. If you must discuss religion with them, do not inform them that their god is a weak god, no matter how much evidence you have to support your contention. Do not point out that Quezocoutal the winged serpent would never allow himself to get nailed to anything.

3. Do not mention that your uncle used to work for Saddam Hussien. Pointing out that this was back when he was the United State's ally will not make it okay.

4. It is never fun to stay at the YMCA.


At 5:35 PM, Blogger Candy said...

You could always stay at my home.

At 4:13 PM, Blogger Ronald Brak said...

Thanks for the offer. I've been to Chicago and it's a lovely place. (Mind you, the people I was staying with wouldn't let me go to certain areas to see Gangsters.)

You might need to give me some time to brush up on my social skills however. I'm not saying that I'm completely socially inept, I'm saying that I'm 96% socially inept.

You are of course welcome to come and stay in my spare room. Just give me enough warning to clean up and perhaps buy a bed to put in it.

At 9:23 PM, Blogger Candy said...

I may take you up on that someday. :)

I was lurking on the BAUT, and I saw your name. I just had to visit your blog to see what exactly you've been up to lately.

At 10:40 PM, Blogger Ronald Brak said...

Lately I've been putting on weight and trying to get through a massive Neal Stephenson book called Quicksilver. A wonderful person leant me her copy but it has more pages than most Australian phone books and appears to have some type of speed reading defences, so it's taking me forever to get through it.

I may not be on BAUT for a while as I'll be working on a couple of projects for the next month or so. I shalln't bore you with the details, but if they are sucessful I'll no doubt end up boasting about them to you.


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